A caesarean, a little mourning ...

It was my first pregnancy and everything was going perfectly. Fatigue and nausea first trimester, some dizziness in the third trimester, I'm lucky, nothing extravagant. Then there was this ultrasound. I am told that my baby is in the seat and that this will be watched. Baby please turn around, do like everyone else! The following ultrasound, still in the seat. I meet myMy belly at 9 months of my first pregnancy doctor, he's talking to me about a cesarean. I admit that at that time, I did not really realize what it involved besides a scar. I had a decision to make, try the version or not. So I'm going to read what this beautiful version consists of (thank you google). I am quite small and my baby takes up quite a bit of space in my womb. The doctor told me that an attempt to turn the baby would probably be unsuccessful under the circumstances. During my pregnancy, I had of course thought of this possibility that childbirth would end up in Cesarean section for some reason. But what I hadn't considered was that I could grieve in the face of natural childbirth.

This mourning began when we chose, with the doctor, the date of my delivery. I understood that I will not be surprised to lose my water somewhere unusual. I will not have the privilege of calling my lover, panicking, telling him that it is happening THERE and that we must act quickly! I won't have the privilege of feeling my body preparing and working strong to bring this little wonder out of there (and all the pride that comes with it).
The first photo of my first childNo, I will be connected everywhere, in a room that is far too cold and lit, with dozens of doctors / nurses who for them are just routine (whatever they are all really nice of). I will be alone during the preparation, I will be small, feverish and anxious. Anxious here is really not the word. In life, I am a fairly calm person. I was true to myself until I entered the room and sat on the operating table. I was shaking. From cold and fear. I knew we were going to open on this table in a few minutes. I was afraid that things would go wrong and I was also afraid of becoming a mom. I even dared to say to myself "why I did that". I know, it's terrible. It is perhaps the pose of the probe which made me the black ideas or even the prick in my back made by a needle much too long. Everything is going fast in my head, but time is running so slowly.

My lover is finally by my side, there it goes quickly, really very very quickly. I was afraid of not feeling anything and well no, I felt it come out. No pain at the time, positive point of the caesarean (I lost nothing to wait haha). My lover exclaims that it is a girl. She cries (too), she is beautiful. We're putting it on me, WOW. I believe here that all mothers understand the emotion that there is in this last sentence. So here it is done. Well almost since during this magic moment, it works behind this curtain.

A few weeks to get back on my feet and then I was ready to start again. Fourteen months later, a second planned Cesarean. I will always have this little disappointment in connection with natural childbirth, but I believe that the pregnancy hormones and especially the post-delivery hormones did not help this disappointment. I now have clearer ideas (despite my muddled brain of mom) and I know that I am lucky that my deliveries went well. I have two healthy babies and that is the only thing that matters. I also have this little mark at the bottom of my stomach which reminds me every day that I did the most beautiful things; to give life.

My first and second child reunited for the first time

And you, eDid your delivery go the way you wanted?


Camille Baribeau, Co-founder Bajoue mom, blogger, entrepreneur, camille

1 comment

Hello me my first delivery is in 2003 after 12 hours of intense labor I am told that I could not give birth natural because I have the pelvis too small when I am told that I would have a Cesarean section the fear of my life , but everything went well finally and now I am going to have my 6 th Cesarean in August and believe me I am very happy to have Cesarean without pain, because the contractions are terrible loll

Julie bouchard January 24 2018

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